i threw up in a trash can last night at kellys irish times. but in a trash can because i'm a lady
Farmville is her only friend.
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
Its a bummer that corporate america doesn't believe in $2 u call its on a Sunday night
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
