I'm wearing a childsize birthday hat and a bib. I am the def of sex appeal rite now
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
WTF YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND?
Oh yeah that.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Lest we forget our veterans. Also that two years ago I lost my virginity on this day in a hot tub. Go me for being the worst person on earth.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Dude. Don't do acid and go to Disney on ice. Hear my warnings. That snow monster will fuck your shit up.
Randomize