were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
Sonogram pictures belong on a fucking fridge...NOT FACEBOOK!!
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Apparently I'm ahead in the foot race to his dick because I'm not insane. If I'd have known that's all it took, I'd have worn sweat pants more often.
Text me all the things you want us to do this summer. So far, I have Kegstand written down
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I'm still questioning who dropped me off last night. So successful wedding?
So I'm at home coloring while smoking a joint. It can only go down hill from here.
I passed up getting laid last night. It's almost been a YEAR - what the Hell was I thinking, being so choosy??
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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