She wanted to fuck you. You threw up on her. Congrats.
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I have some memory of taking a dump in a guitar case.
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
