I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
Just heard the new 'We are the world' ... Can I get my 10 bucks for Haiti back?
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
