No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Fuck you. You would only tell me how to get to your house in Spanish.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Stop it with the monkey emojis. It's like sexting with Curious George
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
yeah i ran into him at the bar at 11pm. he started talking about engineering and the next thing i know it's 4am and i'm naked on top of him.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
