my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
He came and then made the Jim Halpert face. does that say disappointment or what
the only thing i can think of after seeing avatar is "when are they gonna make avatar porn?"
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
I'm sorry that throwing up fish and Jamaican Rum in the back of your dad's car ruined our friendship
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
Ive never seen a drunk man get suplexed before last week, now its the standard requirement every time we go out.
Randomize
