Some broad at the bar just asked me how much money I make. I don't know whats worse, the question or the answer.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
they're like a gay fantastic four
He's currently rapping every word to 'more money more problems' at what could be a over 30s gay bar. I'm not sure yet. More info to come.
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
Just got a voicemail from a guy referring tp himself "as chest hair guy". If I'm coming home to a intervention I understand.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
I'd cum for enchiladas.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
my mom walked in on me eating her out, and i can never kiss my mother again.
Randomize
