i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
hes a soccer player too.. you'd think he has better penis eye coordination
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
I dont care what I am for halloween, as long as i'm not a father after
It took too long for people to come up with things in "never have i ever" so we had to change it to "Don't judge me but.."
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
No joke. There's a picture of the priest I made out with on my parents' refrigerator.
That's good to know, because I will be doing terrible things to you. Terrible things, John, wicked, evil, maniacal things shall happen to you and I will have the audacity to call it sex
STILL COMPLETELY OKAY WITH THIS
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
that may or may not have been my penis.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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