I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
Just saw the pics you left in my phone. thanks for reminding me that last night was not a dream.
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
i'm waiting for the less fat version of him to text me
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
My entire floor is waiting for the couple to come out of the shower. She's a screamer. We've blockaded them
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
But life isn't just all about getting drunk & eating chicken strips.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Randomize
