its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
So i just got diagnosed with swine flu. im at walgreens looking like shit and this guy keeps staring at me. Im so gonna cough in his face.
well, dont
I didnt. i just coughed then looked at him menacingly. he got it.
dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
I found a knife in my bed when I got back this morning. I think one of my roommates has it in for me
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
