i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
We're shaving superhero symbols into our pubes. I call dibs on Batman.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I'm terrified that I'm going to have a baby with a guy who posts snapchat stories while ignoring my texts
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
U NO SLUT. YOUR HEART IS JUST FREE.
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize
