Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
i just realized that we are the poor version of bethenny and jill from real housewives... and I'm jill. this is a 6.5 on the depressing scale
at least we're not in new jersey
In these economic times, linking arms taking tequilla shots with your boss as an underage girl is the best job security I can think of
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
Just set a new record on Need For Speed at the arcade. Had to enter Tiger Woods as the name.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
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