oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
he sent her a picture of his penis to show that he "trusts her" or some shit like that..well she showed it to me, and let me just tell you..it looked like a freaking slug or something. creepiest penis i've ever seen. hands down
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
She's like the Jonah Hill of sorority sisters.
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
He's got that kind of dick that just MAKES me cheat on my boyfriend. It deserves a trophy. Really you should give it ride sometime.
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