So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
I look like a sausage in jean shorts, you should have woken up earlier and approved my outfit.
and when i screamed you came in my eye, i found out that everyone else in the room had only pretneded to be sleeping
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
they knew we were both to shy to do anything so they got us drunk and locked us in the back yard with a tent. it was fuck or freeze
you have the best friends
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
Randomize