I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
He picked me up from the airport wearing nothing but a trench coat and a bow on his dick
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
We saluted the chips to the national anthem before cooking them. The house has to get a munchies fryer
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Randomize
