the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
Remind them to make the "above the influence" commercial about us fallin off a ferris wheel
HOLY SHIT HE'S TRYING TO EAT HIS FOOT. THIS IS THE BEST DAY OF MY LIFE.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
I'm trying to get laid this Halloween, not inspire the next season of AHS
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
The prescription the hospital gave me for pain and nausea doubles for my hangovers... Maybe I'll hit up the ER more often
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
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