you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
when i'm not drinking i'm making facebook events about drinking
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
so, she was so drunk she tried stabbing me with a corn dog stick
I attempted to stand up and was quickly reminded by gravity that I am the universe's bitch right now
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
Wanna guess where my charger was last night.....in my cooler with my beer. I put it in there because I knew I would never forget my beer.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
I think I recall josh coming in to the room to tuck us in and give us a few condoms and I threw them back all furious and told him 'we don't use those.' Oh god
I got here. Mom yelled "drink of the day is blueberry sangria" and next thing I knew I was on a slip and slide.
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