Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
Aaaand I cut your bangs with a large knife last night ...
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
The problem is drunk me is completely unaware how poor I am
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
Enjoy the penises
He got me off while watching hockey. He's a keeper.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
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