Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
she asked me if i can do her a favor, came over, and gave me head then left. i still dont understand how that was a favor for her.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
ya I went to the grocery store literally just for cheese and condoms
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
