We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
he had hair everywhere except his balls
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
