Have you ever noticed every guy named Shaant has scene hair and date girls with racoons stripes in theirs
His name should be shouldn't
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
I'm practically paying him in tacos to have sex with me.
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
You climbed into the Suite next to us at the game so you could steal the half eaten hot dog someone had left on the table. That high.
It's gonna be ok. As we grow older we sometimes lose sight of what's important to us. Like safe sex. And standards.
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
Randomize
