If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Ok say I was sexually attracted to a patient who also happens to be in high school...on how many levels is that illegal? And will I actually hear the laws break when I fuck him
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I remember telling you it was cold out because the sun was going to explode and people were going to fight for corn. I feel I've mislead you.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Hope you are okay. You were running down the street with shopping cart at one point and yelling "bitches aint shit!"
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
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