Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Today let's steal peoples pets out of their backyards and leave ransom notes
chicago's viagra triangle is not unlike the bermuda triangle in thatt things just get lost...... planes, ships, dignity, virginity, etc.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
i woke up to banging and pieces of ceiling falling on my face
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
