Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
Trying to find something to do here is like trying to find a vegan resturant in alabama.
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
you took a potato out of your pocket and just started eating it raw. don't know where the potato came from though
21st birthday = success
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
Well I typed "penicillin a" into the search engine and before I could finish "penicillin and drinking" popped up. Google knows me too well.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
Humming the Indiana Jones theme song as my hand makes its way to his dick.
Randomize
