ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
?
Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
Wine smoothie.... Not as good as I thought it would be
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
This chic sharing the cab with me just started givin me head. I'll be an extra 5 minutes.
Apparently "dick me" was not the response he was looking for.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Apparently, acid is a good substitute for cash if you don't have any! Who knew?
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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