Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
Oh. They ARE dating. Kinda sad. Have such an urge to be a huge bitch and steal him but my morality is in the way. FUCK YOU MORALITY.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I feel like if you stuck me in a room with all my old toys it'd be the best high ever.
they told me they were banning four lokos so yeah i did have to buy 42 of them
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Just got invited out of group to take shots after hearing her gay friend say "why would I give him my alcohol so you can suck his dick. It's going to be a good night
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
