i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
And then he said "I can't get blown while Gordon Bombay and Mr. Holland stare at me from the TV"
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I'm sure me singing - rather loudly - "fuck me in the back seat" last night didn't help either.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
Blow job season was short but glorious.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
I don't think "growing medical marijuana" is Quite what my Grandfather had in mind when he thought me about gardening as a child
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
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