I woke up this morning with I hate myself feeling
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Totally forgot we howled at the full moon last night... It's safe to say Tuesday Boozeday is my new favorite day of the week
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
