I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
I am in the checkout line at the dollar store and there is a guy in front of me holding a pregnancy test, a chocolate bar, and fake roses. Champion.
Fat lady wearing Shape Up's. I would feel bad making crude comments, but she has to know it's coming.
You are missing out on the best boobs in town right now
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
you take my contact solution?
drank it last night then filled it with brandy for the plane ride.
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
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