Small dicks are the new regular sized dicks.
So I just did the walk of shame at dunkin... A lady told me me I was really dressed up and I told her I was going to a luncheon.
And then you told your sister how horrible of a friend I was because I couldn't get you cheese fries...
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
As far as figuring life out your talking to a guy that's alternating text messages between his baby mama and a drunk bitch I met tailgating. My best advice is don't worry about shit out of your control and always and I really mean ALWAYS wear a condom.
I went to the haunted house just to see her - Hello new fetish!
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
On a Thurs night I found myself drunk in a limo w 9 dudes on my way to a strip club. Once there I was handed $100 in ones and told "spend it." I need a husband. Or Jesus.
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
Randomize