Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
She just drank the vanilla extract. Again. AGAIN. No one should be that eager to get drunk.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
