I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
fuck your aforementioned shoe
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
this stripper weighs a pound. I feel like I should tip her in food.
she just totaled her parents new car because there was a bee in the car. So she crashed into a light pole to kill it.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
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