Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
the only girl from my high schools graduating class coming to our school next year went stag to prom and still has braces...
dibs.
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
i don't understand how she was down there for so long, she's like a mermaid, a blowjob giving mermaid.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
He tried to get me to go back to his place on the condition that he has 6 cats. I was very tempted but I said no. Hoping to go see the cats tomorrow
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
I'm really excited to meet your new dude! But we really need to find out if he's your cousin first.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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