im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
i just fell asleep at my computer and i woke up and in the google bar it said delicious foods to eat
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
I dont know how I should feel about you making a 37 year old come visit you and then making him do the walk of shame from your dorm room...through campus
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
Randomize
