haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
wrigley field is MILF paradise
Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
You grinded on me in Jimmy johns to a madonna song.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
Randomize
