the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
well i had to explain to their mom why the kids i babysit for won't stop repeating the phrase "nice juicy guido"
We turned everything surrounding BP and the oil leak into a "that's what she said" drinking game. We've been drunk for a month
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
He said I looked like a ballsack and I tried to choke him out with my Ghostbusters pajama pants. Happy fucking Halloween.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
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