I can tuck mytits in my pants
Please tell me its not ok to love a 17 year old....no matter how hot he is and how sexy his eyebrow ring is oh lord
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i really thought "pants-shitting drunk" was an unreachable level until last night
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I realized we pick a president more often than I get a blowjob
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
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