i just woke up in the woods behind my house in handcuffs and a dan marino jersey ive never seen before
This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
I swear I only do things like fuck 19 yr olds just to hear how you laugh when I tell you.
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
She was to tired for head so she opted for a footjob with poor results. I dont want to talk about it
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
So we were fooling around last night and suddenly Like A Virgin popped up on his itunes
OMG haha What did he say?
He told me that if I laughed, I would have to leave.
Randomize
