I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
