On valentines day I took a girl on a date that I suspect was homeless
Uhhh...do I owe you any money? Or an apology? Or anything?
tequila makes my crab dance SOOOO much better
I got her a Nickelback box set.
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
So i closed my laptop as i started to fall off my bed and then i caught myself and realized that moment of catching myself is the difference between tuesday and friday.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
you have a wonderful penis attached to someone I'm having a lot of problems with right now
I let a drunk, gay man in a dragon costume motor-boat me. With his dragon head.
It's like your nipple is comforting my nipple.
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
oh I'm washing fake blood out of my bra.
I NEED to hang out with you more
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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