It's not real sex if he's just convulsing inside of you.
dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
dude she licked ball and has every Are you afraid of the dark episode on dvd
lock that shit down
Neighbors just bought a new bong. Got high with them and we decided to name it "Gary colemans sweet sugarlumps" these guys are hilarious
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
Whatever dude, just dont tell her your first impression was she looked like your cousin. no judgement here. just sayin.
Just sent my cousin to buy me a new bra cause mine is zip tied to a bar in the middle of nowhere Iowa
The cop left me alone after I gave her my spare snow cone. It was a hot and humid day and that uniform looked stuffy. Yay stoner me for overindulging in icy treats.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
