I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I'll have you know...trying to masturbate while a song about jesus is stuck in your head is next to impossible
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
I want to be a supportive friend to her, but I also want to sleep with her ex now that he's single.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
He's just been a dick since he set his face on fire. I just wanted to eat a fucking hot dog.
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
