i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
While my grandpa showed the family a slide show he accidentally included a topless photo of his new gf.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Someone called asking about the gate code and I said "hashtag" for # instead of "pound." Ugh. I feel so dirty.
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
