I was getting a bj with sports center on in the background
Da na na, na na naa
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
we were all standing in the kitchen taking shots and we look over at you and your face is in the plate of spaghetti you were eating.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
Yeah but then he looked at me bleeding on the floor, said oh i guess you need to go to the hospital now, and left
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
We get drunk and make out in different places. Is that what love is?
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I STUDIED GEOGRAPHY I KNOW THIS SHIT!! DON'T YOU DARE QUESTION MY AUTHORITY ON GLACIAL DEPOSITION AGAIN BITCH!!
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