My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
In my defense it was my birthday and I really wanted to do it.
She's good at three things and two of them involve dicks. And other one involves her love for arts
Let's just rave with boners that last for hours
I'm not really sure what went on in my mouth last night but right now it tastes like what I can only imagine is a mixture of astroglide and peanut butter. You hungry?
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
