My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
This was my thought process as I drunkenly ran home: Whoa! I'm going so FAST! Why don't I run EVERYWHERE! ALL THE TIME! Then I peed in a bush and passed out on the ground.
So basically you were a dog.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
IT WAS JUST SO LITTLE AND AWKWARDLY FLOPPING BACK AND FORTH
We were so amazed while watching mission impossible ghost protocol last night we didn't even have sex
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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