I'm buying a chandelier at walmart. WHO'S CLASSY NOW, BITCHES.
Someone left a shot of disaronno in a champagne glass here this morning... flip a coin?
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
I can't wash the smell of tacos off my hands. I feel like the Lady Macbeth of Chipotle.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
How was I supposed to know the accent was fake before i slept with him
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