THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
You were plastered and wouldn't stop telling this hot girl about your plan to graffiti a church in easter colored spray-paint saying that Jesus was a Zombie... she kept saying her father was a pastor...
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
so he woke up after being passed out and yelled that he had brought back moon rocks for everybody...
The polish Muslims are throwin paczkis into the crowd and I'm beer 6 before 11 am
I just wanna be craddled in his arms and spoon fed applesauce..
that's the most romantic thing you've ever said.
I just want to be like i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it
HOW DID ALL OF US MISS THE OBVIOUS: I'LL SHAKE YOUR SPEARE
I told two kids in their homecoming outfits to use a condom because of Ebola. I may have saved a life last night
Of all of my friend's husbands, I like when yours hits on me best
Awe that means so much to us
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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