dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
her bridesmaids come in huge, huger, wtf, and free willy. all their gown are strapless. its like watching the Hindenburg waddle down the isle.
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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