it's not gay if you rub your penis between their butt cheeks and pretend they are tits
I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
you spent 5 minutes trying to open an empty PBR and kept saying "don't worry i'll get it i've been working out"
It's just a matter of time. The ball is in my court. Soon to be in her mouth.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It's going to be so weird waking up tomorrow morning fully rested completely sober and not covered in piss or bruises.
I'm pretty sure your ex of four years just had a baby with some kid and named it after you...
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Randomize
