Yeah..And after he fingered me, he wiped it on my face and laughed.
ew wtf
Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
Fact: The drinking you do in college doesn't affect your liver in real life.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
If you like her enough, bring her with. If not, eloquently cunt punt that bitch through the field goals of life.
Ice skating? Did you see me last night? I don't even know where my socks are
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
I havent moved from the couch and I'm licking peanut butter from a spoon, I'm a beautiful person.
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