All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
Grape juice and vodka is NOT wine.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
I kept reassuring him that I was easy like Sunday morning, not easy like "I've had 6 shots of tequila and haven't had sex in three months"
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
i just looked at those "hey" messages and i was so confused and then i remembered we were practicing texting with our tongues.
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
I just fucked her boyfriend. Happy birthday, bitch.
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
