that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Day 5 without masturbation. Fat chicks are back on the table
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Stop banging my friends. This is getting weird.
Stop being friends with hot 18 year old girls.
I sent him a pic of my tits and he said "Word." I need a drink.
I got to the party and found your shoes in a bag of Funyuns. You weren't even there.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
Also I've accepted I am not going to be a catch today. I look like a dead hooker and the remedial work is going to be patchy at best with the shakes I've got.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
We did blind alcohol taste testing and she got 10 of 10. I'm in love.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
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