just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
I don't know how I'm boarding the plane tomorrow. I have my car registration.
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
This is why I can't have Wednesdays.... Or adult decisions.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Randomize
