It made me feel like I need a reality show of my life so I could go back and watch the episodes to figure out how I got from the trunk of the car to my neighbors tree house...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
RIP Summer 2010. God knows it had to be one of us..
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
Just please never masturbate in my bed again. I'm burning my sheets as I write this.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
He was literally going down on me and giving me a foot rub AT THE SAME TIME. What more can I ask for?
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Also my bed has glitter in it for reasons I do not recall
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
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