This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
Springtime is officially here. I just used pool water to fill up the bong
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
i can't understand anything he's saying. But he spells alcohol right everytime so i deciphered it.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
Just woke up to find that I'd left a stove burner on for the past 6 hours or so. I'm now banned from Ambien cooking.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
I think he's trying to finish jacking off before throwing up again
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
Randomize