he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Also, just almost microwaved cereal. Thank god mom is here to stop me.
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
This is not 2004 anymore. It's not acceptable to get fingered while watching 'Ferngully' in a basement full of your friends.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
And he listens to me when I talk to him like the hulk.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I would literally only have sex with a dinosaur right now.
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