Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
Kind of a slow process. Played 9 holes with her yesterday. Wish one of them was hers
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
shes a 6ft ginger. she brings nothing to the table except for awkwardness
I woke up covered in blue paint and my knee bleeding, when I went to return the shopping cart the guy in the elevator laughed hysterically. I'm having a good morning.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
dude. i just ate tomato soup with a funnel. we're out of spoon-straws.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
If this party got busted it would be an improvement
I'm going to empty my bank account and roll around in the cash. Want to join?
so dehydrated I couldn't fill the pee cup to the right line for my drug test for school. I was like sorry it was my birthday yesterday
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
I'm talking to this guy I met online about French toast. I am the oddest fucking combination of hungry and horny. Wtf brain.
Randomize
