I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
I'm standing outside of the bar watching homeless men teach a kid how to pee of the sidewalk.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
I like her. She smells like old lady but tastes like whiskey
Someone's vagina was extra sandy cause the left side of my bed feels like the beach.
And I was like "take off the damn flower crown, we're about to have sex not post an indie picture on tumblr"
why not an indie porn pic then
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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