literally had 100 drinks last night.
I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
I'm a fake celebrity on twitter. I need a life.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
I can feel my pain tolerance has shot up right along with my libido
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I apparently got up in the middle of the night after fucking him and started looking for you under piles of his clothing
I don't want to inconvenience you with my dick\n\n
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize