I'll bet she douches with gravy.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
Does Jesus have blonde highlights? Pretty sure I saw him in a lavender shirt and Sperry's.
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
Randomize
