he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
As far as drugs go, alcohol has all the elegance and precision of hitting yourself in the head with a hammer.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Remind me to tell you: When threeways go awry, my MLK weekend story.
Randomize
