also, i may or may not be wearing a cape right now. hint: i am.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
My penis has like 3 people bidding on it
This time tomorrow I will be drunk and in a voodoo shop
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
